50 days after my 0p :)

So here it is, the big update… its been 50 days since my op :O which is a shock as it feels like it was only a few days ago but its been a good few weeks indeed. well what can i say I've slowly worked onto normal food now, I'm basically on normal food with a few limitations like, no steak, no hard foods, and a few beware foods that are good for you but have some sort of chemical or something in them so they can give my stomach a few problems … like celery (which is good as i hate it and my mum always puts it in with a salad so it give me an excuse to pick it out)
But other than that its nice not to have to live on small amounts of soup, you don't realize how much you want food like chewy food till you are on a soup diet :( that was hard. Things have got easier as time has gone on but i have to say the depression that i suffered with way before my op, i have days where I'm in suck a sad low mood, i fear that its come back or on its way. where they cut my stomach away this also stops some of the natural vitamins that come from your body to process, this could also be a reason why i can sometimes feel low, i need to make sure I'm having a high protein and vegetables in my diet which i think I'm also slacking. i could defiantly consume more better foods.

Once thing i want to make clear though is that the hunger is still in my head! if your thinking about having this op don't think that it will cut of that signal to the brain and say you are full as it doesn't or not for me anyway. i can eat only a small amount (ruffly about a 2 years portion) and i can tell when my stomach can't handle anymore as you get that same feeling to anyone else that you feel uncomfortable but in my head its saying you can eat more where its used to eating a lot, lot more so i always feel like I'm full to the top as my brain has a habit of over riding my stomach, which yes you guessed it can lead with a massive sick moment, and a very sad Sam hugging the toilet bowl.

Good things, very small list but there is a few. i have lost a little bit of weight which as given me a little bit of confidence back. Allowing me to go to the gym, which the pre-op me would never even dare to go anywhere near anyone in those tight exercising outfits and low i try and do 3 trips to the gym a week where i do a hour in the gym and then a hour in the swimming pool. The other thing is that now i have had the op i know i can't eat a lot so it gives me a chance to just concentrate on the rest of my life because food did used to take over my life, i would be waiting for the next meal or eating what i could just to keep me full, which normally meant a lot of chocolate or crisps that i could eat quickly, which is a good thing now, i no longer have a sweet tooth, i will quite happily eat something savory so ye I'm free from my addiction of food :)

looks, I've been told i do look different, i have noticed that in places where i was biggest it has gone soft where my stomach used to be quite hard, like i always looked blotted now its more of a jelly consistency with skin?? lol so its an interaction that its slowly going. i just thought it would to a lot quicker than this though. i lost my first stone after my op very quickly, most likely where i was only on liquids but now i find that its slowed down and i weigh myself every week and I've lost 1-2 pound which can be quite hard. i just want it to all go and i can feel normal, i just thought it would fall of me a lot quicker than it has. but I've gone from 24 stone + to being 21.3 so I've done well (i did a liver shrinking diet before the op and lost a stone) so ye not bad :) going from a size 26 in clothes to a size 24  ruffly ... i think, even just loosing this amount though has meant that i could go shopping in normal shops, ( i didn't have to go all out and go to a big persons shop) like primark were it was touch and go whether i could find something that fit in the men's department and now i can buy a few bits in the girls department now :)

My next goal is to become more active. before my op when i was at my worst i was very low and i stopped all my clubs and kinda cut my self off from my close friends leaving me alone and at the time that's what i wanted, now i feel low as i don't have a lot of friends to talk too, if you have this op done you will need the support of friends and family around you to help keep you happy. Where your going throw a massive change, its easy to get your self very low along with it :) keep motivated, with your eye on the price and it will eventually come to you :)

The big meds problem.

So far its been an uphill struggle!!!

After my op i had to stay in over night to make sure i was okay, and was promised i would be released the next day! the nurses were lovely, they would come round every few hours and take my temperature, blood prettier, pulse and blood sugar to make sure my blood sugar hadn’t got to high or to low

on top of that i was taking tablets paracetamols (which they gave to me in dissoluble in water form as i couldn’t eat anything at the time only water, this was very painful, if you have a gastric sleeve you will not be able to have fizzy ever again! so when they give you paracetamol in water that once dissolved looks like tonic water it really doesn’t go down well!!! for this reason i was given anti-sickness injections in my butt ( was not happy the first to the 6th time i had them) to stop me from throwing up the tonic water substance that i had to drank.
The next day came and i was waiting to be discharged but after waiting till the afternoon which then the nurses left it to late to discharge me as the pharmacy had closed which meant i couldn’t go home with the meds i needed to help me get better. so yet another night in hospital, at this point i was not happy as i had my heart set on going home, i was in a lot of discomfort as i wanted to be in my own comet of my home and relax!! The nurses promised me the next day for sure!!!! (2morrow being Sunday  :s)

The next morning arrived and i washed and packed ready to leave. my parents rang the wing and asked whether i was going to be released 2day or not as it seamed silly to drive 2 hours to London to come all the way bk again! the nurse assured that the meds were ready i was just had to wait to be seen by a doctor to be discharged. about 7.30 -8ish i rang my parents saying that I’ve just seen the doctor and he is discharging me (dancing in weak joy of going home)
I was packed and ready to go, i could walk but not to far as it got me tired really quickly, well at this time i had been on water for 3 days and nothing else! Anyway it was Sunday, so the pharmacy was only open from 10.30-1 so i really wanted my meds so i didn’t have to wait any longer in hospital, according to my parents my meds were waiting for me so there was nothing to worry about.
there was me and my gastric sleeve friend, and a boy next door called Alex being discharged so we were all waiting for our meds so we could leave. Every half an hour a nurse would go down to the pharmacy to see if they were ready which they weren’t. My parents started to get very pissed and we went to the complain as we were all still waiting for our meds. Another nurse was sent down and came bk with Lesleys (my gastric sleeve buddy) and Alex’s but mine apparently wasn’t there :( very annoying considering they should of had them yesterday but apparently ran out of time to put them together so i could go home. The nurse rang up asking what was going on ( by this time it was 12.35 and was very worried, i had put my foot down, i was not staying another night. Also by this time they had moved me from my bed, and was sitting in the waiting room so they could get the bed ready for the next person. so there was no way i could even stay another night. anyways the nurse rang up and asked while we all waiting in front of her, she replied with its on the system why have you not got it. they then assured they would do it before they left for the day. At 12.50 a nurse went down coming bk a few mins later (cutting it a bit short) with my meds and like the other 2 who were discharged once we had the meds we where gone. after saying thanks to the nurses and wishing them all merry Christmas we were on our way home in no time!!!

I found the who experience very scary, it felt like they didn’t overly know what was going on, everyone was guessing. There was not just once nurse that was the leader and know what each person was doing in each bay and what they needed, even on the notes it seamed like they were guessing. so i was glad to finally be home with my family :)
That evening when it came to having my injection we noticed that other than the injections everything else that was given to me was in tablet form :/ which started another massive problem! i could early drink water, there was no chance i could swallow any tablets and some of these were massive! so here is were we began a new big uphill struggle to find the meds that i could actually take. 

before to after op!!

 a few pics taken a few days before my op so i can and you can look back at what i was and what i will become :)

Me getting into the Christmas spirit on my last day of work! 2 days to goooooo!!!!

morning after my op, i don't know if you can see but they gave me chap stick to help the dryness of my lips and it blew my bottom lip up :s it was so hot in the hospital and i was so drousie at this point i wasn't to fussed, i knew if i stoped taking it, it would go down. (at this time i was very much looking forward to going home)

 Just got home, and chilling on the sofa as the walk from the hospital to the car and from the car to the house had really warn me out ( at this point i had been on water for 3 days NO FOOD)

 having a bad day! i found that i was very low where i wasn't eating, i had bad mood stings and cried a lot, that voice that wanted food was having a paddy

having a good day!  after a week i started to get back on my feet and have a few good days, still hard when it comes to dinner time when your family are eating lovely solids and your only aloud liquids (soup) but they say it gets easier with time ( im ganna keep saying this, in hope that it might get printed into my brain!!!)

So this is me so far 11 days after op, over all from when i  started this wait loss on the 5th of december 2014 with a 2 week liver shrinking diet to then hardly eating after the op i have lost 2 stone!!!!

2 stone in 4 weeks!!!!!!

(what i have spoken about in my last few post has been the basic story of my op so far but there has been a lot of good and bad things that have happened along the way too, which i hope to share with you in other posts :)  thank you for reading)

Post Op!!!!!!!!

Finally, my big brake!
On Thursday the 4 December 2014 i got a phone call telling me they had a bed available on the 19th if i wanted it (2 weeks time) and that was it, my big day was booked and i was going to start to live my life.

me getting ready for my gastric sleeve!!! 

i opted for the gastric sleeve which is where they cut away most of you stomach leaving you with about a pens sized gap for food and liquids! Hey, if it will make me thinner, i was willing to try anything!

And now im out the other end i feel like its the best and worst thing that i have ever done.
i know it will be better in the long run but right at that very moment when i came back out i felt so ruff, i had never had an op before and i couldn't explain what pain i was in to show how odd but painful it really was.

 This was my main wound after surgery, i went down on the 19th at 3.30ish and was taken back up to the ward about 8.30 (an hour in recovery to make sure i came back from the anesthetic ok) This was taken the next morning, but nothing compairs to how colourful my bruise gets in the next few pics

 Once i was aloud to take the pads off (or what ever you call them) you got to see the nice colourful bruise coming out :D best one i have ever had!!!

 i had 5 cuts, big one in the center (in pic) which was the biggest, one to the left, 2 to the right and one to the top of my stomach. Which were all put back together with surgical glue, which dissolves very slowly.

i thought that once i had this done, it could only get easier, i was wrong!!! yes im loosing weight, but there are so many bad things at the moment its hard to find the happy side of things.

i want to share with all readers my story as i go, i wont be easy but i want to give it a go, i owe that to myself!!!

I just want to be normal

Pre- Op!
they say to write everything down so that you can look bk in years to come and see how far you have come. they say that if you write down your emotions it will get easier. they say that if you don’t sort your life out, your going to die… ye in my head i wanted to stop and do what i needed to do to get myself on track but then my stomach says different, with a mind of its own starts shouting out for food and by that time you already have the food in your hand before you could say no,  its like another person is suddenly there  changing my mind for me! . i do feel like 2 people. the happy person who wants to do well in life, be fit and healthy who has a dream job that has loads of friends and another person, who has a few friends, who works in a supermarket, who is a fat disgusting slob, who doesn’t leave the house unless its for work. Has nothing overly to life for.
 Taking a step bk and you realise there is not 2 people, there is only one,  one is the real me and the other is the person i want to become. somehow that person who i want to be isn’t strong enough to get through yet.
must sound like I’m talking in riddles, i might as well say it out load. I am Obese, i have no confidence! which means I’m stuck in a loop hole. But finally ive done something about it so here is my story so far!!

So about 2 years ago i finally had enough and went to the doctor for help. i had explained that i had loads of diets, i had done the pills. nothing was working and i was stuck in a horrible place and needed help badly. The doctor advised me that the only thing next would be to look into having something like a gastric band, which was a shock at first, i had always thought that if i had this done i would be that unlucky one that puts the wait bk on, to loose the amount of weight it says i would loose, sounded to me like a miracle but never the less i was willing to give e anything ago.!

There began the beginning of my possible big change! i was referred to St Thomas’s Hospital and Guy’s hospital where i went for various tests over the year and discovered that i had diabetes and sleep apnea which made the big shinny dream feel like a massive workout. From these results and being away at uni at the time, i developed depression. tablets and concealing, eventually got me back on track and got me back to grips that there was hope, even for me!

I was ready for my big massive change! and i wanted it to come soon!

It begins today!

Me with a few of my best friends

Where to start… I'm Sam Borton and im 21 years old and I'm just over 24 stone, I've been big all my life (but this is the biggest I've been so far and I've always gained weight (never lose) what ever i do and have tried every diet going, but i either get bored or can't stick to it or don't seam to lose weight even if i do try.
Bad news is …. I've just found out I'm type 2 diabetic, which has been a massive kick up the butt for me and i really want to do something about it, to be honest I'm so scared at this very moment  (only found out about 2 hours ago) so this is me being open and honest, they say be honest and tell them exactly what you've eaten but i always used tell them the nicer version of the truth.  truth is, i comfort eat,  and i do it for so many reasons…. hunger, bored, tired, hard day at work, still hungry, stress, lonely, angry, upset and simply because i can.

i want it to stop, i don't want to be size 26th clothes anymore and feel like everyone is watching u as u walk, or when u walk down the street and someones shadow is half the size of yours even though they are right beside you.

on the up side, i have finally got funding, im in the process of a Gastric Band, to help me lose the weight, but before i have it, i need to prove to them that i can lose weight and i can be healthy and energetic, so i can be healthy enough to have the opp.

from now, I'm going to say everything on my mind or say everything that's gone into my mouth, because i need to be better, i don't wanna pass before my parents, i want to live my life, be happy, get married, be normal. 
                                                                             Total opposite of me today. 


                       First of all, i need to look up diet plans and what i can start of with first

so here it goes !
                    any question or tips, please message me below